tranquilizer needed
June 3, 2009
” Well,
How do I interprate this? I have a few plans la in my head..Buy the I-phone..some gifts for u to bring to ******..Join u in ****** in july….spend the rest of our pityful life together..
Looks like my tought all this while is true all along
Well…Takpela, as far as I understand….im giving u more pain than our love could ever heal..Instead of hapiness im giving u only misery….that is not what I want the person whom I love most to live her life..This is who I am….full of baggage…I cant change that
If you think we should end this, then ill wait for u at **** this evening
And I shall leave…I will only leave after I meet u and say it to you face to face….
We are no little kids that just walk away like that
…I want to spend the rest of my life with you….that is y u saw all sides of me that nobody else see….Who I am inside out….How I let myself be affected by u with the smallest things….coz the love is too much
Ntah…wish we could continue…but only if it brings good especially to you
If its too complicated..just say it and im gone
Dahla enuf said…ill just wait how it goes this evening
Btw…I m now single but with a beautiful son….just so that u know
Love u always, ***** “
my help-line indicator is beeping…i dun need any explanation..nor i need any words from him…i dun mind anything he have to deal with…i feel numb inside out..Friday tested my patient … i dun know him anymore… i dun know what he needs from me…i turned down my welcome party last Friday…that was the 2nd arrangement…i turned down the 1st one last month..they were so frustrated with me…but well…i dun believe it either…thot he might understand that i m with gigantic international company now…mmm…dun think this is the point why m ignoring him…
lalalala…lemme think why …mmmm….
he never trust me..ever…and that s killing me…thot that was the main reason of the wrecking marriage…and why he s doing this to me? what is the point of telling me how much he loves and care for me, when he have to be aggrasive each time he is cross? what is all the smacking, squeezing, crunching, gripping,throwing things are all about? is this the same person i know 2 yrs back?
yes..it is hurt sometimes…but, each time it s happening… i will drift away in my own world thinking of how sick the relationship turn out to be…and how my existance have been affecting his behaviour…he s a good guy really…but, now i dun think i know him anymore….we talked about this before…but nothing have change…i feel fear, disgust, puzzle…would he change?change for his wife..and most important change for his son…i know he will never do this to his wife…mmm…but,why me then? should i believe him when he promise not to do it again?dozen and dozen of question dancing in my mind..
anyway, i ll be leaving somewhere near north pole in 2 wks time…hope my brain will be frozen…and leaving all these bad incidents behind and wish that my body starting to rejuvenate me inside out…i pray and hope the very best for all of us…can’t think of this for another beat..God, please help me one more time….
